ProCo 244: Buy It, Sneak It, Take It – Naked and Afraid

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We have once again returned, dear listener, to the time of the year where we celebrate all of the scariest things that game shows have to offer. This year we have definitely stepped it up a notch, because what’s scarier than ghosts, skeletons, zombies, or any other traditional Halloween monster? Being naked in the jungle with a stranger for 21 days, of course.

Zach wants to King Louie, Jared wants to Shere Kahn, and Adam wants to Kaa.

Talking Points Include: Stop On In For A Broom, Bathe For This, A Dora Style Map, Go Go Gadget Corkscrew Dick, The Blade Cave, Jane Goodall’s Moving Company, Lo-fi Kaa

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October 2, 2023

ProCo 243: Puffin’ On The Scootie – That’s the Question

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Time of death, approximately 7:34 pm. I saw the carnage right there on the television screen. What was once a beautiful intact word had been all jumbled up into a mess of letters, almost unrecognisable from it’s original form. But don’t you worry, The Unjumblers are on the case. We’re gonna find whoever jumbled up these poor words and bring them to justice.

Zach has some great Mario Lopez jokes, Jared wants to avoid jury duty, and Adam hates looping TikToks.

Talking Points Include: Swarming The Capital, Bees Your Honor, Now Thats What I Call Scootie, Wordle The Game Show, This Meeting Could Have Been A Quibi, Dada for the Digital Age, The Unjumblers, Riddle Me This, Between The Lions

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September 25, 2023

ProCo 242: America Runs From Dunkin – The Game Plane

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I think we can all agree that one of the worst places for unexpected shenanigans to occur is on an airplane, ESPECIALLY one that is mid flight. So leave it to our old pal Mark L. Walberg to do that exact thing via a game show that should be a crime against humanity. Well, if he can do it, so can we. Our game show’s rules are much simpler though: give us $500 or Jared will make the one bathroom on this plane absolutely unusable.

Zach dislikes TSA PreCheck, Jared is capable of ruining an airplane bathroom, and Adam’s sleep paralsys demon is Lori Lightfoot.

Talking Points Include: An Incident in Adam’s Bed, Trapping the Meatball Man, Game Show Terrorism, Airplane Etiquette, TSA PreCheck, Sky Law, Give Us The Money, Chili’s Three, 2 Fast 2 Dunkin

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September 4, 2023

ProCo 241: I’m a Scientist, Not a Coze Boi! – The Guinness Game

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Picture this. You’re feeling cozy. Like, REALLY cozy. Like, on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket, watching your favorite tv show on a cold day cozy. But you’re hungry. Like, REALLY hungry. Suddenly, the smell of chocolate chip pancakes wafts in from the other room. Are you getting up to eat those pancakes? Thats right, we know you are. And that’s why you’ll never beat Jared’s world record for coziest boy.

Zach is going for the world record in tv shows memorized, Jared is going for the world record in coziest boy, and Adam is going for the world record in Tetris using a drum set as a controller.

Talking Points Include: Carmella Creeper Joins The Family, Our Personal Cereal Monster Mash, World Record Flops, Believe It Or Not, Records We Can Break, The Cozyayashi Maru, Binge Scorping, Because I Ate A Hawk

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August 28, 2023

ProCo 240: The Phantom and Peele – Random Acts of Comedy

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Look, not only is this game show uninteresting, but it is also incredibly easy to win. We had to address it eventually, you know our vow! So in lieu of actually talking about this game show, prepare yourself for an hour or so of bits about the moon landing, Anthony Fauci, and Phantom of the Opera X Mad TV. And if you don’t think its funny, you’re not allowed to cancel us – because it was improv and those are the rules.

Zach can’t be paid to watch bad improv, Jared has ten minutes of pre Covid Fauci jokes, and Adam insists everyone should have a favorite pen.

Talking Points Include: Back to School, F Word Allowance, The Return of June, Neil Armstrong’s Post Moon Career, How to Get a Nickname, Anthony “Ant Bully” Fauci, Don’t Be Mad if This Isn’t Funny, Peanut Butter Mistrial, Gender Neutral Phantom, If I Dropped It

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August 21, 2023

ProCo 239: Too Young To Cancel – Balderdash

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Let’s play Balderdash. The topic is ‘Ways to make sure someone is telling the truth.’ There’s truth serum. There’s polygraph tests. There’s the birthday wish of a child with a pure heart. Two of these are fake, and one is real. I’ll give you a second to think… but it’s pretty obvious, right? We agree. Now we just need to figure out how to get Young Sheldon to make a Liar Liar birthday wish for us.

Zach thinks Kendrick Lamar eats chalk, Jared will fight Kenickie, and Adam won’t accept the existance of truth serum.

Talking Points Include: Climbing to Lollapalooza, The Shemar Moore Insitiute for Shirtless Crime Solving, Club Cracker Barrel, The Next Pure Soul, Using Our Hall Passes, The Russos of Hazzard, Prime Time Birthday Wish

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August 7, 2023

ProCo 238: You Can Give a Duck a Drink, But You Can’t Make it Go Home With You – Keep It Spotless

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Please join us in rememberance of this day. For once we have concocted a plan that not only makes sense, but also has a high chance of actually working. All we need is some hydrophobic material and a bunch of Hollywood studio quality squib rigs, Oh, and if the body scanner registers any metal in Jared’s pants, don’t worry about that. He won that medal honestly at the county fair.

Zach creates a new rule of robotics, Jared has a medal for his prize winning hog, and Adam can’t commiserate with Magnum P.I.

Talking Points Include: Grimace Christ Superstar, Magnum P.I. Fancast, High School Swim Class, Drinking at the Hotel Bar, Ocean City USA, High Slime Ratings, Mr. Clean’s False Advertising, Ducks Can’t Get Wet, Robot Camera Crew, Lie To Me Makes a Comeback

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July 31, 2023

ProCo 237: Drop The Beat, Godot! – Kidstreet

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On most television show sets, if an unexpected vehicle suddenly started driving around, you could rightfully expect production to halt until the issue is resolved. It is chaotic, unscripted, and quite simply a safety hazard. BUT… it is Boston Tony’s last day, and he has a hard out at 5pm. It would really be a shame if he had to leave before we called wrap and could properly celebrate. Keep those cameras rolling! We’ve got a deadline to meet!

Zach has strong feelings on the portrayal of Hercule Poirot, Jared has been a blessing on six continents, and Adam finds a new favorite catch phrase.

Talking Points Include: Kenneth’s New Detective Movie, Sherlock’s Think Fighting, Sand Clock, Waiting for Disco, Poetry Space Jam, Vehicles You Can Drink In, Boston Tony Saves the Day

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July 24, 2023

ProCo 236: Slime is Cringe Now – Play-Doh Squished

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They just don’t make kids game shows like they used to… but should they? After some market research, our studies show that kids just don’t like slime anymore. However, is this because we just aren’t giving them enough of it? In this paper, The Professional Contestants aim to explore how the type and amount of slime used in childrens’ entertainment programming directly corresponds to how cringe the slime is perceived.

Zach is more imaginative than any child, Jared has a strict criteria for proper slime, and Adam humbles himself before the Las Vegas Aliens.

Talking Points Inlcude: The Big Mysterious Sphere, Humpty’s Prowess, Rocky Uses Protection, The Wisdom of Summers, The Right Amount of Slime, Slime Ratings, Tubby Custard, Eating Play-Doh, The Superior Building Toy, 3D Mouth Printer

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July 10, 2023

ProCo 235: Stanley Tucci: Surviving Italy – BrainSurge

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As sure as the days grow longer and the temperature creeps higher, the Summer of Summers will return to the feed of the Professional Contestants. Once again we find ourselves facing a game show made for childen, that we as grown men are extremely capable of winning. We just need to place our intelect into something that can actually participate in the game. Something like a Boy Bot. A Boisterous Boy Bot. And if he isn’t Bashful then he’ll Bash the competition. We’re sorry.

Zach openly dislikes Ryan Seacrest, Jared dreams up a wonderful Itallian story on the spot, and Adam purports to be a maze expert.

Talking Points Include: The Summer of Summers, Summer Vibes, Perpetual Consenters, Which Candy Land Character Are You, A Low Slime Rating, Muddy Pokemon Maze, Wheel of Fortune Current Events, Buongiorni the Fruit Vendor, A Non-Bashful Boisterous Boy Bot

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July 3, 2023