ProCo 254: Having A Gaston Moment – Snake Oil

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We here at Professional Contestants aren’t exactly what you would call entrepreneurs. We don’t claim to be amazing at identifying products with potential and investing in them. But if we have learned anything from reality tv show judges like Mark Cuban, Simon Cowell, and Gordon Ramsay, it’s that being mean to the person presenting to us will definitely get us somewhere. Good thing this game show is much more like a realilty show than it is like actual investing.

Zach made a globally recognised NCAA PowerPoint, Jared is your go to guy to take a dive, and Adam used to be super into infomercials.

Talking Points Include: Talking Points Include: The Big Long Most Dangerous Game, Podcast Betting, NFL Field Day, Tarzan F*** Tarzan, Our Best Risky Buys, Aspirational Eggs, Mark Cuban Tooth Necklace, It’s Mean But It Works

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February 19, 2024

ProCo 253: Urkel Brunch – The Floor

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If you had to convince someone that you were an expert in something, what would it be? Something broad like “musicians?” Maybe something very specific like “Celebrities on The Simpsons?” What about something unapproachable like “The Golden Age of The Ottoman Empire?”All good ideas, but our tastes lay more along the lines of “That Witch Who Cursed Me and Turned Me Into a Frog.” Will you kiss us and make us a prince?

Zach is an expert in Magnum, P.I., Jared is an expert in The New Deal, and Adam is an expert in Spongebob Characters.

Talking Points Include: New Year Resolutions, SkyHook Revisited, Oink Yoinkers, What Are Nails, An Expert In Kicking Your Ass, Weaponized Double Entendre, What’s In My Pocket, Not While I’m Pouring

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January 22, 2024

ProCo 252: Original Flash: Ben Franklin – iWitness

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When you have been creating game show strategies as long as we have, you begin to realize that sometimes its best to play to your strengths. But who would have thought that one of our strengths would be a deep knowledge of the powers associated with The Flash, including how to give someone those powers? As it turns out, it’s quite easy to become a Flash. So easy in fact, that even the founding fathers were doing it.

Zach reasserts his love for when people fall down, Jared knows a whole lot about Flash, and Adam deosn’t believe in Ben Franklin’s exploits.

Talking Points Include: Yoink Me Sky Daddy, Jackass Origins, YouTube Game Show Archives, How Big is Piglett, Flowers for Flash, Ben Franklin’s Delusional Schemes, Dont Touch My AllSpark

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January 8, 2024

ProCo 251: A Dunk in Every Sport – Big Fat Quiz of the Year

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Let me start this off by admitting that we have made a mistake. When finding game shows to watch for this podcast we tend to avoid ones that are just trivia questions and ones that are already specifically comedic. Folks, this one is both. However, it does have one unique thing going for it. All the questions are about current events. And sure, we may not keep up with pop culture too closely, but what if we, ourselves, were able to create the 36 biggest headlines of the year? It would sure make remembering them a lot easier.

Zach hotboxes his body with farts, Jared has the high score on Sneak King, and Adam adjudicates acceptible double hat scenarios.

Talking Points Include: High Fantasy, Our New King of Sleep, Brittish Purge, Hat on a Hat, Osmosis Jones, Nose Farts, Five Good Dunks, Twelve Disguises Each, Royal Family What If

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January 1, 2024

ProCo 250: The Legend of Horatio Bad-Dick – Disney Holiday Magic Quest

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Wow everyone. We are truly getting a once in a lifetime experience with this game show. The chance to be at Disney World, in the Magic Kingdom, after hours. Just us and our friend Mickey Mouse and OH NO SOME EVIL QUEENS?!? Everyone! Quick! Focus on stopping these bad queens from stealing all of the holiday magic from the world! Don’t worry about where Mickey is or what he is putting in his car. He is MICKEY after all, he’s allowed to be doing that.

Zach thought Disney owned the United Kingdom, Jared needs to clarify that this goat is NOT Rob Lowe, and Adam insists Mickey can go anywhere.

Talking Points Include: Creating an Anti-Sex Villian, The Scratisphere, Milf-eficent, Is Santa Christian, Disney Adults, A Magic Kingdom Heist, Illicit Memorabilia, Mickey Is Allowed

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December 18, 2023

ProCo 249: The Patron Saint of WikiLeaks – The Elf on the Shelf: Sweet Showdown

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Every year, Scout Elves appear in the homes of children to watch them, determine if they’re naughty or nice, and report back to Santa. At least that’s what parents want them to think. We three full grown Professional Contestants know better, and we also know how to leverage the same tactics against our opponents in this “sweet making” competition. You better watch out, you bette not cry, because this elf is a saint and your sins WILL be judged.

Zach is confounded by Catholicism, Jared got Grinched, and Adam really hates these elves.

Talking Points Include: Christmas Caper Turned Holiday Heist, Sweet Makers, The Elfs’ Arbitrary Rules, Throat Blessings, Saint Dog, Saint Elf, Saint Julian Assange

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December 11, 2023

ProCo 248: POV You Steal Christmas – Lotería Loca

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For years, game show producers have been asking the same question over and over: How can I make a boring game interesting for people to watch on television. Like Bingo, for example. Can it make a good game show? As it turns out, no. But if you make it colorful, musical, bilingual, and add a charming host and some salsa dancers you sure can come close.

Zach had a perverse Spotify Wrapped, Jared didn’t know people could play multiple instruments, and Adam wants Raven Simone in Smash Brothers.

Talking Points Include:  A Big Captain Jack Year, Sad Movie Talk, Kong In Charge, Game Shows Oompa Loompas, TikTok Live, Grinch Turned Off Body Cam, The Monty Hall Problem, Cheating At Bingo, Groundhog Day Meets National Treasure

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December 4, 2023

ProCo 247: Do You Like Jigsaw? Check Yes or No – Saw VI

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Happy belated Snake Day everyone! We once again will be celebrating the only way we know how, by submitting ourselves to the next horrible installment of the Saw franchise. Will Zach pay enough attention to remember the plot of the movie at all? Will Jared be unnecessarily mean to Tobin Bell’s performance? Will Adam be able to hide the fact that he actually likes these movies a little bit? Tune in to our sixth installment to find out!

Zach skipped part of the movie, Jared has some Oogie Boogie related questions, and Adam remembers the extended plot of Saw way too well.

Talking Points Include: A 4DX Experience, Attempting to Summarize Saw, Tobin Bell’s Masked Singer, Trap By Trap Breakdown, The Dog Pound, Saw is Becoming Predictable, Jigsaw Family Feud, Importance of Flexibility, A Meta Saw Finale

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November 14, 2023

ProCo 246: It’s Frankenstein’s Birthday and You’re Invited – All-Star Halloween Spectacular

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Picture this. Halloween night is quickly approaching. You are hard at work getting together your costume and want to make sure you have the best possible plans to show it off. You’re struggling to find the right event, and then you get the email. You’re invited. Frankenstein’s birthday. DM for address. What would you do to make it to that party? Answer: absolutely anything.

Zach trusts Fester to go get ice, Jared pushes for a Frasier reboot with Dracula, and Adam wants watermellon.

Talking Points Include:  I Want Watermellon, Mail Corner, Mr. Peabody’s March To The Sea, Creepy House/PeePee House, Mount Rushmore of Spooky Figures, Come for Frankenstein Stay for Fester, Frank’s Place, Can I Be Frank?, Frankenstein’s Presidential Pardon

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October 30, 2023

ProCo 245: Bear Turismo – Jim Henson’s Creature Shop Challenge

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I think it’s safe to say that many CEOs of big companies have daddy issues, and if Inception has taught us anything, it’s that by exploiting those daddy issues, you can get said CEO to give up their company. All we need to do is adapt it for our situation. Get rid of all the dream stuff, add a hyper realistic puppet of Jim Henson, maybe a little bit of Leo Dicaprio in a bear suit to boot, and before you know it we’ll be the puppet master CEOs of Jim Henson’s Creature Shop!

Zach insists the Hardy Boys will lead us to victory, Jared thinks Banksy is Gonzo, and Adam wants to do an Ernie.

Talking Points Include: Real No Water Emergen-C, Veto Veto Veto, Enjoying The Spooky Season, We Love Puppeteers, First Idea Worst Idea, The First Ever Inside Kiss, Henson Inception, An Exclusive Reveal of Banksy’s Identity, The Muppets Do A Manhattan Project

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October 9, 2023