Page 5 – Professional Contestants

ProCo 214: Ernest Goes to Boot Camp – Flinch

SHOW NOTES

As we continue to march further into the spookiest of all the months, we also continue our trend of spending half of the episode talking at length about the deep fiction surrounding the Apple Orchard Monster. We know what you want, so here it is – thirty minutes of the actual original journal entries detailing the story of Zach and Adam’s childhood backyard spectres, and thirty minutes of a game show that is going to drive us straight into the arms of a drill instructor.

Zach loves seeing people get shocked, Jared hates how quickly the show goes ‘Jackass’, and Adam reveals two of his five favorite things.

Talking Points Include: Zach’s Peanut Butter Debacle, The Journal of Jonathon Crabtree, A New Different Jack The Ripper, Monster Hash, Loving The Pain, Tank Insurance, Earnest Goes to The Hype House

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October 12, 2022

ProCo 213: The Apple Orchard Monster Extended Lore – Escape the Undertaker

SHOW NOTES

Welcome back all you witches and ghouls, the most slithery time of the year has returned! That’s right, Snake With Big Teeth is upon us once again. This year, we kick off our celebration the only way we know how, going on a spooky themed tangent for about 20 minutes and then trying to figure out what The Undertaker’s greatest fear might be. One thing we know for sure, it isn’t sandwiches.

Zach accidentally reveals his actual greatest fear, Jared thinks The Undertaker might be scared of a strip tease, and Adam has never been on a Haunted Hayride.

Talking Points Include: A Special Snake With Big Teeth Month, The Haunted Hayride, Uninspired Monster Names, A WWE Crash Course, The Magic of The Urn, Grimace Island, The Undertaker’s Sandwich Strength, Shaping Our Biggest Fears

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October 3, 2022

ProCo 212: Three Rooms – Bullsh*t the Game Show

SHOW NOTES

The energy in the room was a little different than usual when we were recording this episode, which is to say, the energy was in three different rooms. But look, we are artists, and we know how to harness that energy. So welcome to Three Rooms – three thirds of a podcast episode, each with a different director. Table of Contents – Room 1: Ass Based Super Hero, Room 2: Lots of Jokes and Japes, Room 3: Dog Barks Everywhere.

Zach discovers he can do an obscure impression, Jared deepfakes Alex Trebek, and Adam defends Little Monsters.

Talking Points Include: Human Back-Up Cam, Tony Glutes, Howie Slap Bracelets, Goofy Does A Mickey, Please Download This Podcast, Deo LiCaprio, The US War With The Rock, The Phantom of the White House

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September 26, 2022

ProCo 211: The Triple Down – No Recipe Road Trip

SHOW NOTES

An indisputable truth: adding more meat to a meal can only make it better. It has been proven with KFC’s legendary dish, The Double Down. So if a double down is good, then a Triple Down must be even better – and we are tripling down on EVERYTHING.

Zach wants to build a bridge to England, Jared is secretly Mr. Bolkovich, and Adam is fed up with Avatar 2.

Talking Points Include: Our Royal Platforms, Ten Years of Avatar, A Beef With James Cameron, Dinosaurs Are Birds, A Power Vaccum Is Created While Eating Hot Wings, Alex Trebek’s Pokemon Journey, Liver King Energy

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September 13, 2022

ProCo 210: Jon Arbuckle’s The Thing – The Final Straw

SHOW NOTES

Sometimes the classic techniques hold up the best. For example, we don’t need all these fancy visual effects in modern movies – just put a spaceship on some fishing line for a much cheaper and just as effective result. So what do we do when we need to make towers topple and boys fly? Well if it was good enough for Hollywood it’s good enough for us.

Zach introduces the wildest Hotel Transylvania character, Jared wants to do a flubber, and Adam’s greatest scam story is revealed.

Talking Points Include: Scooter Talk, Naked Biking, Big Jenga Stategies, Masterclass With Nana, Garfield Jenga, Creepy Sex Foot, Panda Manning, The Dancing Bean

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September 6, 2022

ProCo 209: For Your Emmy Consideration in Sound Mixing – That’s My Dog

SHOW NOTES

This year, for National Dog Day, we’re here to tell you that it’s hard to train a dog. As proof we have a special guest on the episode – Zach’s real life dog June, who runs amok the whole time. We three, however, are already quite well trained, so if one of us could become a dog… well then we’d have something cookin’.

Zach attempts to wrangle a dog, Jared warns us about gun dogs, and Adam hopes to pass as a dog.

Talking Points Include: Movie Pass Is Back, No More Winking, Wishbone Hefner, The Best Professional Dogs, Boston Dynamic Has Gone Too Far, Truth About The Dog Whisperer, A Man-Dog Of Our Nightmares

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August 29, 2022

ProCo 208: Farting in the Hellraiser Box – Distraction

SHOW NOTES

We can proudly say that for this one we have come up with a fully original plan – mostly because we doubt that anyone in history has ever tried to cross the paths of Pinhead and Johnny Knoxville. But hey, if it can prepare Jared to endure pain and win this game show then it’s worth it! Pour one out for Bam’s Dad though, he really didn’t deserve to be put in the Hellraiser box.

Zach lays out his Jimmy Kimmel spec script, Jared educates us on paella, and Adam knows Miss Hannigan’s first name.

Talking Points Include: Mr. Bundles’ Sexual Resume, A New Deal For Christmas, The Orphan Rags to Riches Challenge, Drew Carey Pulls, The Guillermo Girls, Jackass X Hellraiser

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August 23, 2022

ProCo 207: Dr. Pepper and Mr. Hyde – The Generation Gap

SHOW NOTES

An effective way to overcome your difficulties is to try to view things from another prospective. Sometimes those difficulties are a mother and daughter not seeing eye to eye. Sometimes they are trying to win a mediocre game show. Either way, a Freaky Friday situation is certainly in order. And it looks like we are swapping… Ed O’neill and Scrappy Doo? I must be reading that wrong, right? Right?!?!

Zach reveals his tongue condition, Jared breaks new culinary ground, and Adam recounts the entire story of Rumpelstiltskin.

Talking Points Include: A Raw Jalapeño Snack, Graduation Vows, Eating the Shells, Garage Sale Scores, Rumpelstiltskin Revisited, The Old Man List, A Freaky Friday Situation

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August 8, 2022

ProCo 206: Shark Jumps The Fonz – Air Jaws: Top Guns

SHOW NOTES

Picture this: 15 foot 2000 pound great white shark. It’s 10 feet in the air. It’s quite frightened. Who’s that in the water underneath it? Henry Winkler of course. Henry is wearing his leather jacket and as he locks eyes with the shark, he shoots us some finger guns. Hot damn! I mean, if we can get us a photo of something like that we would surely win this Shark Week documentary program that isn’t at all a game show.

Zach thinks Larry Bird has been in a cave, Jared wants less realism in his shark photos, and Adam hates reenactments.

Talking Points Include: A Special Guest Star, The Worst Things We’ve Ever Eaten, Our Personal Shark Spectrums, Two Cool Shark Names, Pokemon Snap Asthetic Rules, Shark Photographs You, The Ayyy Jaws Photo

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August 2, 2022

ProCo 205: Angels and Water Demons – Raven

SHOW NOTES

Here is what we know about demons from media. For one thing they aren’t too keen on the power of religion. Also, naturally, rock types are weak to water types. Given this logic, is our plan going to involve getting right with God and convincing the water demon fight the stone demons? Of course it is! Step aside Dan Brown, we’ve already got this code cracked wide open.

Zach insists he never got lifesaving merit badge, Jared wants to stay in the Raven for too long, and Adam has some big ideas on the symbolism of mice in childrens’ literature.

Talking Points Include: Our Perfect TikToks, £10 Budget, Bird Casino, The Secret of NIMH Revealed, Everybody Will Hate Chris, It’s All Wet and Stinky, The Water Demon’s Aquatic Vehicles, The Deep Loch Monster, Demons Can’t Be Saved

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July 18, 2022