summerofsummers

ProCo 238: You Can Give a Duck a Drink, But You Can’t Make it Go Home With You – Keep It Spotless

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Please join us in rememberance of this day. For once we have concocted a plan that not only makes sense, but also has a high chance of actually working. All we need is some hydrophobic material and a bunch of Hollywood studio quality squib rigs, Oh, and if the body scanner registers any metal in Jared’s pants, don’t worry about that. He won that medal honestly at the county fair.

Zach creates a new rule of robotics, Jared has a medal for his prize winning hog, and Adam can’t commiserate with Magnum P.I.

Talking Points Include: Grimace Christ Superstar, Magnum P.I. Fancast, High School Swim Class, Drinking at the Hotel Bar, Ocean City USA, High Slime Ratings, Mr. Clean’s False Advertising, Ducks Can’t Get Wet, Robot Camera Crew, Lie To Me Makes a Comeback

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July 31, 2023

ProCo 237: Drop The Beat, Godot! – Kidstreet

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On most television show sets, if an unexpected vehicle suddenly started driving around, you could rightfully expect production to halt until the issue is resolved. It is chaotic, unscripted, and quite simply a safety hazard. BUT… it is Boston Tony’s last day, and he has a hard out at 5pm. It would really be a shame if he had to leave before we called wrap and could properly celebrate. Keep those cameras rolling! We’ve got a deadline to meet!

Zach has strong feelings on the portrayal of Hercule Poirot, Jared has been a blessing on six continents, and Adam finds a new favorite catch phrase.

Talking Points Include: Kenneth’s New Detective Movie, Sherlock’s Think Fighting, Sand Clock, Waiting for Disco, Poetry Space Jam, Vehicles You Can Drink In, Boston Tony Saves the Day

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July 24, 2023

ProCo 236: Slime is Cringe Now – Play-Doh Squished

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They just don’t make kids game shows like they used to… but should they? After some market research, our studies show that kids just don’t like slime anymore. However, is this because we just aren’t giving them enough of it? In this paper, The Professional Contestants aim to explore how the type and amount of slime used in childrens’ entertainment programming directly corresponds to how cringe the slime is perceived.

Zach is more imaginative than any child, Jared has a strict criteria for proper slime, and Adam humbles himself before the Las Vegas Aliens.

Talking Points Inlcude: The Big Mysterious Sphere, Humpty’s Prowess, Rocky Uses Protection, The Wisdom of Summers, The Right Amount of Slime, Slime Ratings, Tubby Custard, Eating Play-Doh, The Superior Building Toy, 3D Mouth Printer

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July 10, 2023

ProCo 235: Stanley Tucci: Surviving Italy – BrainSurge

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As sure as the days grow longer and the temperature creeps higher, the Summer of Summers will return to the feed of the Professional Contestants. Once again we find ourselves facing a game show made for childen, that we as grown men are extremely capable of winning. We just need to place our intelect into something that can actually participate in the game. Something like a Boy Bot. A Boisterous Boy Bot. And if he isn’t Bashful then he’ll Bash the competition. We’re sorry.

Zach openly dislikes Ryan Seacrest, Jared dreams up a wonderful Itallian story on the spot, and Adam purports to be a maze expert.

Talking Points Include: The Summer of Summers, Summer Vibes, Perpetual Consenters, Which Candy Land Character Are You, A Low Slime Rating, Muddy Pokemon Maze, Wheel of Fortune Current Events, Buongiorni the Fruit Vendor, A Non-Bashful Boisterous Boy Bot

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July 3, 2023

ProCo 205: Angels and Water Demons – Raven

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Here is what we know about demons from media. For one thing they aren’t too keen on the power of religion. Also, naturally, rock types are weak to water types. Given this logic, is our plan going to involve getting right with God and convincing the water demon fight the stone demons? Of course it is! Step aside Dan Brown, we’ve already got this code cracked wide open.

Zach insists he never got lifesaving merit badge, Jared wants to stay in the Raven for too long, and Adam has some big ideas on the symbolism of mice in childrens’ literature.

Talking Points Include: Our Perfect TikToks, £10 Budget, Bird Casino, The Secret of NIMH Revealed, Everybody Will Hate Chris, It’s All Wet and Stinky, The Water Demon’s Aquatic Vehicles, The Deep Loch Monster, Demons Can’t Be Saved

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July 18, 2022

ProCo 204: The Five People You Eat in Heaven – Webheads

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Christopher Booker really thought he was being slick when he said there are only 7 basic plots – but after some thoughtful research I think we’ve beat him by 4. When it comes to internet videos, there are only three plots as far as we’re concerned: guy gets hit in nuts, animal does something cool, and redneck has nice life. Dont @ us, we’ve done our homework.

Zach gets confused by the Elvis movie, Jared has three specific questions before he goes to a concert, and Adam would be bummed to meet Slimer in heaven.

Talking Points Include: Big Time Rush in 2022, Harry Styles ft. Michael Jordan, Slime Consistency, Eating Contest in Heaven, Idiot Factor Returns, Uphill Skiing, The Chuck Machine

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July 11, 2022

ProCo 203: Taika Is Very Busy – The Big Fib

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Hang on… do you feel that? The hot, humid air. The longer days. Livin’ is easy and the fish are jumpin’. It can only mean one thing – THE SUMMER OF SUMMERS IS BACK BABY! Somehow we find more kids game shows that we have not yet done and are able to keep this bit alive. Now check us out as we do one of our favorite things and lie to some children.

Zach thinks Rhys Darby is on the ceiling, Jared defends Rhys Darby’s looks, and Adam didn’t actually think Rhys Darby was a robot.

Talking Points Include: Sausage Party Spec Scripts, Dan Aykroyd’s Reasonable Vodka, We Know Celebrities, Everywhere Else is British, Foam As Punishment, Disney’s Green-lighting Process, A Liar In Our Midst

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July 6, 2022

ProCo Episode 166: Snorlax Doesn’t Go To Church – Tooned In

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This is a weird one. It gets pretty wild, pretty quick. So if you wanna skip this one we’re not gonna be upset: in fact, we encourage it. This episode will either be the worst one yet or a cult classic. SPOILER ALERT: it’s probably the former. Anyway we make some good Snorlax jokes 40 minutes in so it’s not a total loss.

Zach shares some Hogan’s Heroes insights, Jared yearns for better slime, and Adam is a part of your morning routine.  

Talking Points Include: Rise and Shine and Check the Vibe, Wow! Our Worst Episode Yet!, A Hogan’s Hero Situation, Marshmallow Sandwich, Golden Age of Slime, Joseph Stalin’s Favorite Toons, George Lopez Has Betrayed Me, Everybody Loves Snorlax, Intimate Slimer 

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July 19, 2021

ProCo Episode 165: Water Daniel’s Penny Pockets – Paradise Run

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There are many different paths a person can take to break into the film industry. For example, you could wear a lanyard and earpiece and just try to blend in with the crew. Or if that doesn’t work you could put a crew member in danger of drowning and then save them. Or if that still doesn’t work, you could accuse that same crew member of extortion. It pays to have backup plans, ya know?

Zach explains the origins of motel pools, Jared gets carded for non-alcoholic beverages, and Adam gives insider deets on infiltrating film sets.

Talking Points Include: Summertime Political Platforms, Roller Coaster Public Transport, Barefoot Hotel, Evolutionary Hot Tub, McDonalds Birthday, Best Off Screen Kiss, Public Domain Plans

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July 12, 2021

ProCo Episode 164: Al Roker the Wizard Slayer – Nick Arcade

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It’s the Summer of Summers y’all! Crack open a cold one, get your butt to the water, and get ready for the HOTTEST game shows of the year. Like this one: we got 90’s Nickelodeon energy, some very stupid video games, and Al Roker is gonna fight and kill a wizard. This is the good stuff.

Zach has a Malcolm Gladwell update, Jared knows how weathermen are born, and Adam knows someone who hates wizards. 

Talking Points Include: The Spiciest Tipping Point, We Gotta Talk About The Evil Wizard, Adam’s Personal Bedtime Audiobook, We Crave Good Hosting, A True Weatherman Never Dies, Al Roker Gets The Final Blow

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July 5, 2021