Christmas

ProCo 250: The Legend of Horatio Bad-Dick – Disney Holiday Magic Quest

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Wow everyone. We are truly getting a once in a lifetime experience with this game show. The chance to be at Disney World, in the Magic Kingdom, after hours. Just us and our friend Mickey Mouse and OH NO SOME EVIL QUEENS?!? Everyone! Quick! Focus on stopping these bad queens from stealing all of the holiday magic from the world! Don’t worry about where Mickey is or what he is putting in his car. He is MICKEY after all, he’s allowed to be doing that.

Zach thought Disney owned the United Kingdom, Jared needs to clarify that this goat is NOT Rob Lowe, and Adam insists Mickey can go anywhere.

Talking Points Include: Creating an Anti-Sex Villian, The Scratisphere, Milf-eficent, Is Santa Christian, Disney Adults, A Magic Kingdom Heist, Illicit Memorabilia, Mickey Is Allowed

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December 18, 2023

ProCo 249: The Patron Saint of WikiLeaks – The Elf on the Shelf: Sweet Showdown

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Every year, Scout Elves appear in the homes of children to watch them, determine if they’re naughty or nice, and report back to Santa. At least that’s what parents want them to think. We three full grown Professional Contestants know better, and we also know how to leverage the same tactics against our opponents in this “sweet making” competition. You better watch out, you bette not cry, because this elf is a saint and your sins WILL be judged.

Zach is confounded by Catholicism, Jared got Grinched, and Adam really hates these elves.

Talking Points Include: Christmas Caper Turned Holiday Heist, Sweet Makers, The Elfs’ Arbitrary Rules, Throat Blessings, Saint Dog, Saint Elf, Saint Julian Assange

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December 11, 2023

ProCo 222: Queer-Eye Moody – Wrap Battle

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Welcome to our holiday episode! No, it isn’t late – we just maintain that the holiday season continues through Epiphany, meaning we just like to make jokes about the three wise men. Anyway, whatever holiday you are celebrating this winter, join us for discussion on gift wrapping etiquette, how we must stop James Cameron, and somehow… even MORE Harry Potter bits.

Zach tracks the episode’s PG rating, Jared establishes some new gift wrapping rules, and Adam ruins the magic of a montage.

Talking Points Include: Avatar Watch, The Uncanny Trench, The Gifs of the Magi, More Harry Potter Jokes, Novelty Gift Wrapping, Bags vs Wrapping, Rocky is in Sonic Now, Master Splinter Causes Drama, Capitalist Performance Art

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January 2, 2023

ProCo Episode 183: Area 51 Is Open – Top Elf

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In this episode we discover the true meaning of Christmas. We here at Professional Contestants believe that everyone should be included in the holiday festivities, so we are doing something special this season. Area 51 is open, its a lucky time of year, and these aliens are about to learn about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Zach thinks Marvin the Martian is in Area 51, Jared thinks Hot Scrooge is in Area 51, and Adam thinks eight additional Shrek sequels are in Area 51.

Talking Points Include: Jared’s CO2 Detector, The Volunteer Dads Brigade, Santa’s Transatlantic Accent, A Luckier Time of Year, Evangelizing Aliens, Knuckles’ Eggs, Air Force Base Shenanigans, Talk Elf

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December 20, 2021

ProCo Episode 182: Donald Duck Hates Mercutio – Blown Away: Christmas

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For this episode, in the name of the holidays, we soldier on and talk in depth about the art of competitive glassblowing being unnecessarily converted into a Christmas special. But we also talk about what we really love, and that is debating which Disney character best represents famous hot headed Capulet – Tybalt.

Zach wonders the origin of the glassblowing furnace, Jared wants us to be mature about the glassblowing furnace, and Adam cannot be mature about the glassblowing furnace.

Talking Points Include: Christmas Stank, The Angelic Sonic, Pushing the Limits of Disney Bounding, Glassblowing Accessibility, Picnic Hookah, Staring Into the Glory Hole, Saving Baby Tiny Tim, Scrooge’s Big Beautiful Secret

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December 13, 2021

ProCo Episode 181: Only Santas in the Building – Santas in the Barn

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Happy Holidays! It’s that time of year, and we GOT THE SPIRIT. THE HOLDIAY SPIRIT. We’re drinking nothing but eggnog, eating nothing but cookies, and talking about nothing but Bernard the Elf and the Three Wise Men. Oh, Santa? We got Santas. That‘s right: plural.

Zach is jolly, Jared is crafty, and Adam is kid approved.

Talking Points Include: Christmas Costumes, Only Santas in the Building, The Sanatacratic Oath, Tommy the Elf Has His Own Take on Things, ProCo is Mad at a Firefighter, The Spirit of Santa Can be in Anyone, Good Grinch Energy, Krampus Doesn’t Do Drugs

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December 6, 2021