ProCo Episode 126: The One Good Ziggy – Tattletales

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My Children, it is time. Please turn your news papers to the funny pages, and I will speak aloud the word of Ziggy: “Life may be a game, but only you can decide if it’s Risk or Trivia Pursuit.” Go in peace.

Zach finds the perfect gift for Bob Barker, Jared attacks Pig Pen, and Adam defends horny toads.

Talking Points Include: Mr. Magnum At Your Service, Entirely Too Much Kissing, DJ Pig Pen, Old Bad Newspaper Cartoons, Praise Be to Ziggy

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August 31, 2020

ProCo Episode 125: Jesus Christ’s Perfect Three-Pointer – The American Bible Challenge

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And I said “When I needed you most, you left me.” “My precious child, I love you and will never leave you. Never, ever, during your trials and testings. But When you saw only one set of footprints, it was because I jumped over your punk-ass and dunked on you from the half court line. Get your defense together, my child.”

Zach advocates for Jeff Foxworthy’s editing skills, Jared makes a bad salt joke, and Adam compares the podcast to the Bible.

Talking Points Include: Maybe Seals?, My Room Mate Would Love This, Pacing Sins, Creative Cloud: Your Forever Friend, Punch-Up the Jeff, Jesus is a Fox Main, Let the Lord Dunk on You, Digimon is Bible Now, No Aslan Jokes Here

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August 24, 2020

ProCo Episode 124: WatsonsOnly.com – Winsanity

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The scientists at IBM are baffled: they don’t know how their Jeopardy computer got arms and legs, but Watson got up and left on it’s own accord. That cube hopped on a bus and won’t stop until it finds what it’s looking for: love. And/Or cash.

Zach investigates a president, Jared distrusts game show hosts, and Adam advocates for a funny little dance.

Talking Points Include: Boy George Washington, Pope Slap, The Most Smartest People in the World, Give This Cube Some Arms

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August 17, 2020

ProCo Episode 123: Practically Batman – The Misery Index

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When dealing with a group of impractical grown men who refer to themselves as jokers, the logical strategy is to be extremely practical bat men. The problem is none of us are actually that similar to Batman. But if we pool our characteristics! Together we can combine to maybe kinda almost be close to a single Batman. We’ll make Alf our butler too. I mean, we’re pretty close, right?

Zach defends Jackass, Jared wants pranks to be abolished, and Adam tries to update the Ten Commandments.

Talking Points Include: Fun for the Whole Family, Characters Welcome, Unavoidable Jokers, Alf the Butler, Preventing Mild Inconveniences, The Ten Egg Commandments, Prank Consent

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August 10, 2020

ProCo Episode 122: Peter Rabbit’s Carrot Slide – Floor Is Lava

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“We aren’t, as human beings, very good at acting in our best interest.” – Malcolm Gladwell, discussing his friendship with Bigfoot. Look, are you still expecting the title to make sense? This episode is good, trust me.

Zach misses an article, Jared thinks about Bigfoot, and Adam finds a new name for the podcast.

Talking Points Include: Moved a House, Scary Campers, Celebrity Bigfoot, Peter Rabbit’s Carrot Slide, Betrayed by Malcolm, Bigfoot vs. Vader

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August 3, 2020

ProCo Episode 121: Everything’s Coming Up Goofy – Wild & Crazy Kids

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Pro basketball is going to be pretty different this year, and we don’t think anyone is gonna like it. Sure, the season is starting up again, but wouldn’t it be so much more fun if all the NBA players just had a field day? Some friendly competition in events other than basketball is just what we all need! Also, just please don’t ask about Goofy. He is supposed to stay in the basement.

Zach wants to make his own Miami Vice, Jared insists that churros are the answer, and Adam is uncomfortable with Goofy’s drug habits.

Talking Points Include: NBA Bubble, Field Day, No Coaches Allowed, New Miami Vice, Trojan Horse Validity, Solo Spin the Bottle, Juni the Lover

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July 27, 2020

ProCo Episode 120: The PostYouTube Era – You’re On!

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For years kids have been told not to talk to strangers, but we now live in the PostYouTube Era. Kids are bolder than ever and we’d appreciate it if they would just leave us alone. So kids, PLEASE don’t talk to us adults. We don’t want to be a part of your schemes. Well, except for Jim Carrey of course. That dude is down for anything.

Zach relies on children for YouTube tutorials, Jared argues that attractive people can get others to do pretty much anything, and Adam is down to get slimed.

Talking Points Include: E-mail Déjà Vu, World McDonald’s, YouTube Children, Inconveniencing Strangers, Hiring a Temp, Finding a Yes Man, Terrifying Kid Interactions

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July 20, 2020

ProCo Episode 119: Gildar Has A Secret – Splatalot!

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Welcome to the newly sovereign nation of Splatalot! You can only be here for one of two reasons. Either you are a child here to challenge our king, or you are trying to get us to return this land to the Canadian government. Either way, this is Gildar. He is going to fight you.

Zach believes he has found the perfect game show, Jared is keen on inciting a revolution, and Adam searches for a b-list celebrity to be his dad.

Talking Points Include: A Failed Intro, Swedish Chef’s Children, No Prizes for Kids, Defender Relationships, Succeeding From Canada, GilDaddy, Xiaolin Showdown, Proving We’re Cool, Getting Famous Parents

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July 13, 2020

ProCo Episode 118: Chop Mommy for the Dark Side – Jedi Temple Challenge

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Greetings, young Padawan! Three rules, the Jedi have. DON’T hit Mom with your laser sword. DON’T fall to the Dark Side. DON’T hit Dad with your laser sword.*

*It’s okay to hit Dad with your laser sword.

Zach defends the Phantom Menace, Jared defends smoking, and Adam is unsure on whom to chop.

Talking Points Include: Everybody Gets a Star War, Return of The Summer of Summers, Kids’ Prizes, Becoming Cool Evil Ambassadors, Dark Side Make Over, Jedi Signing Day, Smoking is Cool

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July 6, 2020

ProCo Episode 117: Enjoy The World Tonight – Don’t

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Too many of today’s celebrities think they are hot stuff and can just create a game show. On top of that, some of them think they are real funny and make jokes about the contestants on their game show. Luckily, the world’s three foremost experts on game shows are here to knock those celebs down a peg. Catch us and our big stoic rock on Thursday nights on ABC getting hurt and bawling for minutes at a time. That’ll teach Ryan Reynolds a lesson in trying to be funny.

Zach plans to yell obscenities at Deadpool, Jared insists that spicy food is torture, and Adam has a lot of favorite rocks.

Talking Points Include: Expanding Our Market, Enjoy The World Tonight, The Great Spicy Torture Debate, Celebrity Summer Camp, Our Favorite Rocks, The Working Class, Replacing Mount Rushmore, Eliminating The Fun, Lots of Crying

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June 29, 2020