I know no way of judging the future but by the past… and in our case the past consists of disclosing your darkest personality flaws for national television and the Springer audience. The Contestants are here re-haul Earth’s global governing system so that it takes on the format of Jerry’s ‘sexy secret revealing’ game show, Baggage.

Zach needs sandwich breaks, Jared wants to class up the place, and Adam cannot resist Hulk Hogan’s sexual energy.

Talking Points Include: Energy Masked Suitcase, Dr. Pepper Basement, Ghost Sex, Stone Em’, Adult Film Awards, The Greatest American Hero, Child Napoleon, Sexy United Nations, France’s Terrible Oranges, Supreme Court Springer